Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
