I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
