he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
