i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So many bounce houses so little time
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
