I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
