Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
