I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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