Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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