I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
