I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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