I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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