I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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