Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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