We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
