I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
