someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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