My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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