Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
