just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
