either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
