I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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