sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Randomize
