thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
