wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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