Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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