come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He better not be in your backpack
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
