from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
