butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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