if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
