So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
