i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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