Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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