thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
