put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
