Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
