if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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