All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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