Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
