1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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