i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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