he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
