You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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