i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
how drunk are you?
Several
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
