Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
