I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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