Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
