Welp...herpes.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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