Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
