I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
