1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
