i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
