Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
