Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it because I queefed?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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