a queef is a wish your heart makes.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
