Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
