I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
