just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i already hear my dad disowning me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
