So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
please don't ironically join a cult
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