Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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