so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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