dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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