We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
