Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
