YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
