his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
