Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
