We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
