I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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