At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
