i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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