i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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