Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
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He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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