Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
